Several years ago I reread the book my grandmother had written in the early 1930’s, her memoir Upheaval. I have always been curious. From the moment I could formulate a question, I wanted to know “why”; why some things happened and others didn’t, why people made the decisions they made, why some things grew and some didn’t, why the sky was blue and the grass was green, why… but you get the picture. So, as I reread my grandmother’s memoir, I began to wonder about the times she lived through.
Just to be clear, I never questioned my grandmother’s memory of the events she experienced, but I wanted to know why those events happened. I wanted to know the reasons behind the Russian Revolution, and the motives behind those who lit the flames. But as I read, I also began to check some of the statements which my grandmother had no doubt been told and therefore accepted. Things like who had originally owned my great-grandfather’s country estate, Potchep and who was the architect of his other country estate, Ivnya. In both cases the answers to these questions differed from what my grandmother had written.
As is often the case, in the process of my research, I fell down many rabbit holes. Some of them interesting and some bewildering. I was also limited due to my lack of the Russian language. I have a lot of gratitude for my translator here in Melbourne and my researcher in Russia. Without them I could never have completed my task.
But the thing with memories and therefore memoir, is that they are subjective. One cannot ascribe thoughts or emotions to anyone else, only they know what they are experiencing, feeling and thinking. And so it was, and is, with my grandmother’s memories and memoir. I can’t say what I would have done in her place, or how I would have felt. I am grateful I have never had to live through the experiences she did. But other people have lived and are living through similar times and, as such, my grandmother’s memoir is still valid. George Santayana wrote, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” and, if we cannot remember the past, for whatever reason, the next best thing is to read what others remember.
Fortunately more people will be able to read my grandmother’s memories as the second edition of her memoir, Upheaval, will be published by Downingfield Press in October this year, and will be available worldwide. Apart from my explanatory notes, the second edition will have new information, including the diary my grandmother kept in 1919, the last full year they were in Russia, and translated letters between her and the daughters of Tsar Nicholas II, the last Tsar of Russia, which the State Archive of the Russian Federation (GARF) have given me permission to include. I hope that this additional information will give a fuller picture and understanding of my grandparents’ lives at the time.
Watch this space for updates closer to publication date.
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The points you raise about interpreting the actions of others and questioning yourself against the decisions and circumstances are now taking a dangerous. Arizona last month. A judge admitted into proceedings a victim impact statement from a murder victim using AI. His daughter write the text and AI put together a video and voice of him talking to the court about “his” forgiveness from beyond the grave. As you pointed out, how could you could ever certainly know of your grandmother’s decisions, thoughts and feelings without bringing there, experiencing them and indeed, being your grandmother.
Very true. I’m wary of AI for lots of reasons.